The Best Kids Jokes to Have Your Kids in Stitches
It’s not that hard to make kids laugh, as they are much more open to humour and the most simple jokes are often best. But what to do when your repertoire of jokes begins to run out?
We’ve got some kid-friendly jokes that will have your child in stitches!
Food Jokes
These jokes are perfect to lighten the mood at dinnertime, and help overtired kids stay happy ‘til bedtime.
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta.
Q: What happens if you eat a dinner of yeast and shoe polish?
A: You’ll rise and shine in the morning.
Q: Why did the banana go to the doctor?
A: Because it wasn’t peeling well.
Q: What do you call cheese that’s not your cheese?
A: Nacho cheese.
Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing.
Q: What did the asparagus say to the mushroom?
A: You’re a fun guy.
Q: What’s the best thing to put into a pie?
A: Your teeth.
Q: What did the nut say when it got a cold?
A: CASHEW!
Animal jokes
If you child loves animals – and let’s face it, what child doesn’t?! – we’ve got these great animal jokes to get their attention.
Q: What do you call an alligator with a magnifying glass?
A: An investigator
Q: What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
A: You can’t tune a fish.
Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?
A: A cat-has-trophy.
Q: What do you get if you pamper a cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
Q: What do you get if you cross a fish and an elephant?
A: Swimming trunks.
Q: Where do bees go to the bathroom?
A: The BP station.
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer.
Q: Why did the bird go to hospital?
A: To get tweetment.
Weather jokes
Who doesn’t like a good weather joke every now and again? These can be brought out any time the weather starts doing something weird, or even on car journeys when the kids need a bit of distracting.
Q: What do you call a sheep with no head or legs?
A: A cloud.
Q: What did the ocean say when it saw the storm coming?
A: Nothing, it just waved.
Q: What season is it when you go on a trampoline?
A: Springtime.
Q: What kind of bow can’t be tied?
A: A rainbow.
Q: What does a cloud wear under its raincoat?
A: Thunderwear.
Q: What did the tornado say to the other tornado?
A: Let’s twist again like we did last summer.
Q: What happens if it rains cats and dogs?
A: You need to watch for poodles.
Christmas jokes
Just like those jokes you get in your Christmas cracker, these jokes are perfect to have the whole table having a – Christmas – ball!
Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The elfabet.
Q: What is Tarzan’s favourite Christmas carol?
A: Jungle Bells.
Q: What do snowmen like to do after Christmas?
A: Chill out.
Q: What did the cow say on December 25th?
A: Mooey Christmas!
Q: Why didn’t the turkey have any Christmas dinner?
A: Because he was stuffed.
Q: What did the snowman say to the other snowman?
A: Can you smell carrots?
Q: What sneaks around the kitchen on Christmas Eve?
A: Mince spies.
Knock knock jokes
Knock knock jokes are a classic for a reason. Not only do kids find them funny, but these jokes help children become involved in the joke, which increases their understanding of how jokes work as well as improving their speech.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting-
MOO!!!!
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow, I didn’t know you could yodel!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don’t cry, it’s only a joke.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it’s freezing out here.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Wooden shoe.
Wooden shoe who?
Wooden shoe like to hear another joke?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Bless you.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Isabell.
Isabell who?
Isabell working? I didn’t hear anything.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Tank.
Tank who?
You’re welcome.
What’s your kids’ favourite joke?
Jokes from the Bellamy’s Community on Facebook
Q: What do you get when you cross a Labrador and a magician?
A labracadabrador!
– Katrina D.
Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
Because it wanted to get to the bottom!
– Fiona L.
Q: Why did Eeyore look in the loo?
Because he was looking for Pooh!!
-Fiona L.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Smell mop.
Smell mop who?
Ha ha-you said smell my poo!
– Jannine K. (who also said “apologies in advance, I have boys’.)
Q: Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
– Kylie M.
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
– Suzanne S
Q: How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
A buck an ear.
– Emily D.
Q: What is a deer with no eyes called?
… No idea (eye-deer)
– Jemmah L.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Bare.
Bare who?
Bare bum.
– Amanda G.
Q: Why can you play cards on a pirate ship?
Because they keep standing in the deck.
– Karen B.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ipe.
Ipe who?
(Insert giggles here as poor target just said I poo).
– Jennifer H.
Q: What do you find on an old barbecue?
Ancient Greece!
– Kylie M.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get an egg on his head. (No idea!)
– Made up by Melissa P.’s two-year-old
Q: What did pink panther sing when he stepped on an ant?
Dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead annnnt.
– Alisha H.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Cow!
Cow who?
Cows don’t go who, they go moo!
– Helen F.
About the author
Marisa Nastasi is an Accredited Practising Dietitian for Bellamy’s Organic. She specialises in children's nutrition and has recently completed further studies in paediatric dietetics. She has worked in the industry for 8 years and has developed a strong working knowledge on how good quality diets can benefit the health of children so that they can develop to their full potential.
